For many children, school is a place of learning, friendship, and growth. But for others, it can be a source of intense worry and distress. If your child regularly complains about going to school, has frequent stomach aches, or becomes upset on school mornings, they may be experiencing school anxiety.
The reassuring news is that school anxiety is common—and with the right support, children can learn to manage it and feel more confident.
What Is School Anxiety in Children?
School anxiety is more than just occasional nerves about a test or presentation. It’s a persistent fear or worry related to school that can affect a child’s emotional wellbeing, behaviour, and even physical health.
It might show up as:
- Refusal or reluctance to go to school
- Frequent complaints of headaches or stomach aches (especially in the morning)
- Trouble sleeping on school nights
- Meltdowns, tears, or anger before school
- Avoidance of homework or school-related conversations
Understanding the Causes
Every child is different, and school anxiety can stem from a range of factors. Understanding the root cause is key to supporting your child effectively.
Common triggers include:
- Separation anxiety (especially in younger children)
- Social worries, such as making friends or fear of being judged
- Academic pressure or fear of failure
- Changes like starting a new school or class
- Bullying or negative experiences
Sometimes, children can’t clearly explain what’s wrong—they just know they feel uneasy or scared.
Listening Without Dismissing
When your child expresses anxiety, it’s natural to want to reassure them quickly. But saying things like “You’ll be fine” or “There’s nothing to worry about” can unintentionally make them feel unheard.
Instead:
- Acknowledge their feelings: “It sounds like you’re really worried about today”
- Stay calm and patient
- Ask gentle, open-ended questions
Feeling understood is often the first step toward feeling better.
Creating Calm Morning Routines
School mornings can be stressful, especially when anxiety is already present. A predictable, calm routine can make a big difference.
Try to:
- Prepare as much as possible the night before (bags, uniforms, lunches)
- Wake up early enough to avoid rushing
- Include a comforting ritual (a hug, a short chat, or even a joke)
Reducing time pressure helps lower overall stress levels.
Gradual Exposure, Not Avoidance
It can be tempting to let your child stay home when they’re anxious. While this may help in the short term, it can actually make anxiety stronger over time.
Instead, aim for gentle, gradual exposure:
- Encourage attendance, even if it’s for part of the day at first
- Break the day into manageable chunks (“Let’s just get through the morning”)
- Celebrate small wins
Facing fears in a supported way helps build resilience.
Teaching Coping Skills
Children need tools to manage their anxiety when you’re not there.
Some helpful strategies include:
- Deep breathing exercises
- Positive self-talk (“I can handle this”)
- Identifying a “safe person” at school (teacher, counsellor)
- Having a small comfort item in their bag
Practicing these skills at home makes them easier to use at school.
Working With the School
You don’t have to handle this alone. Teachers and school staff can be valuable partners.
Consider:
- Sharing your concerns with your child’s teacher
- Asking about support options (check-ins, quiet spaces, buddy systems)
- Keeping communication open
A collaborative approach ensures your child feels supported on all sides.
When to Seek Extra Help
If your child’s anxiety is severe, ongoing, or interfering significantly with daily life, it may be helpful to seek professional support. A psychologist or counsellor can provide tailored strategies and help your child build long-term coping skills.
Here at Therabees, our Psychosocial team specialize in supporting you and your child to understand and manage anxieties that arise at school and beyond, and we have capacity now!
If school anxiety is impacting your child, we’d love to help. Contact our admin team for more information today on 08 70063379 or email at admin@therabees.com.au